The Killers

They terrify me. Absolutely terrify me. When I was a child, I would scream so loud that the doctor yelled that I was going to wake up the babies in the waiting room. Fine! Let them wake up! It still doesn't make this situation any better! 

As they move towards your arm, their little point so sharp, coming closer, almost mocking you as they plunge into your extremity. (Wow, I don't think I've ever made myself cringe before). For the 30 second they are in there it is as though you have been violated. Well really, you have been. As the blood gets sucked out of your arm on for greater purpose, but you sit there with the small ache still there. I'm not sure whether it was the needle, or the blood, but the whole thing as a child was a very large fear of mine.

Growing up Catholic, each Sunday we would go to church. As the priest would say, "the body and blood of Christ" rumor has it that I covered my ears and closed my eyes on the word "blood". What was it about this sticky substance that scared me (and scarred) so much? Was it relating the blood to it's other half the needle? Was it the fact that blood was red and my mother raised us hating the color red? It just made no sense. 

As I grew older, my irrational fear of needles turned quite rational. No longer would I scream, or cry when it was about to happen, but rather just look away, with sweaty palms, slowly breathing in and out as to not focus on what was happening. But then one day, I had my first IV in my arm. This changed everything.

No longer was that little bugger just moving in and out of my arm after only seconds, but rather sitting in my arm until, well until the doctor said it was time to come out. The whole thing, even thinking about it at this very moment safe in my bedroom, makes my arm feel weak.

Why do we have these little fears? Why is it so hard for us to just get over them? It's not going to stop me from having my blood taken or any minor procedure to make my health perfect, but still, I sit here, 27 years old, wondering what was the first incident that incited so much pain when it comes to needles and blood.

Just a girl, about to get her wisdom teeth out, with the daunting term "IV Sedation" lying on her mind, thinking of where it all traces back to.