The world outside just goes and goes and goes and goes...
I'm telling you. And I'm telling you again. My memories are fading. My memory isn't right. I can't remember that. NO really I can't. No it's not just because it wasn't important, or wasn't great, or wasn't significant. I can't remember any of it. The good, the bad, the pretty, ask me, I can't remember.
The conversation had 3 years ago. A phone call had 3 months ago. The thoughts in my mind only really allow me bits and pieces. I can't understand why. What's happening, why is it happening, when did it start to happen?
It can't happen now. NO, not now. I borderline won't let it happen now. Don't you know I'm getting married? Don't you know that in 6 weeks I'm getting married and I can't spare any one of those details. Hell, these details. The details in my head right this very minute. I practically can't even remember what color my dress is. No it's not that bad, but it's all foggy and fading and not exactly right. I'm just not sure what's going on.
It really doesn't seem right. It's so many things, like full months. It's conversations that I had had that I used to be able to recite perfectly. Have I blocked out this many years in my life? Is that what it is? Was I that unhappy? Full trips homes from California, birthdays, holidays. No this isn't like what was for dinner stuff, this was like, what was the anniversary of me moving back home? Or how long ago did I shoot Plague Town? Or how many over nights did it shoot for? Or or or...
I can't understand. This should not be happening now. Should it be in sickness and in health and memory loss?
The confusion. The delirium. The early on-set Alzheimer's. It's all happening or not.
Just a confused girl. Wondering why she can't quite remember, hardly any of it.
