Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

So...here we are once again. I am only 2 days away from the big 7 month anniversary, of unemployment, of being home, of being stagnant. Who knew it would all last this long really...who knew. 

Here are just a few things I've learned in the past 7 months:

• It's okay to watch show's like The Bachelor or Dancing with the Stars, only if you don't get sucked in until about half-way through the season. Do this so you never have to admit you are a "true fan", just one that watched one episode and was "too far into it to stop now".
• White wine is your friend.
• Writing everyday for 60 days on 750words.com, will do none of the following things: get you a job, bring you closer to God, help you make money, or fix the situation in Egypt. It will: help you to dig deep into your subconscious, as well as train you to ramble just a little bit clearer.
• Deleting 700 friends on Facebook down to your closest 100 friends will make you feel infinitely better. Honestly, aren't we a little old for the fb lurking and awkward trips down memory lane?
• "Penis" is not okay to say at the Sunday dinner table, no matter how much wine you've had, or the fact that you were just trying to point out that your dog was a boy and not a girl.
• Snow only sucks when it causes major leaking at the house you are staying in while you can't afford a place of your own. Thus having serious construction happen with early mornings of chasing cats into enclosed spaces, and a dog who hates strangers and loud noises. 
• Most construction workers are gross human beings no matter what way you cut it.
• If you don't want recognition for something, stop posting it all over social networking sites.
• Getting your wisdom teeth out can be fun when it does not lead to dry sockets for a month and a subsequent infection in your left extraction site, making you wonder what you have done to deserve this.
• You aren't the only unemployed person out there so stop acting like it. Regroup, redirect your focus and keep applying. And don't feel bad to turn down something that doesn't interest you. You have been unemployed long enough, what's another couple of months?
• Having your father tell you daily, "it's gonna happen jossie! something big! i can feel it!" is both a blessing and a curse.
• Find something that excites you. For me, right now it is the prospect of beginning training for a new website called IMAlive.org. A site that is calling itself the world's first virtual crisis center, helping people through instant messaging, that will be available 24/7 with trained and certified volunteers. 
• A boyfriend that can cook great lobster is a keeper, and a definite must have in times like this.
• A dog CAN loose his spots...and get them back five months later...just like that. Magic.
• There are a couple of good people in LA (believe it or not). And I talk to one of them at least twice a week.
• Looking on the bright side, that if nothing else, you get this time with your mother, that you wouldn't trade for the world, and find yourself lucky to have had.
• White wine is your friend....oh, did I say that already?

Just a girl, an optimistic girl, knowing that at the end of the day, nothing is better than coming home to a little dog who treats every time he sees you like the first time, and for now, that is enough, 7 months later.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

They stare at you with their little beady eyes. Tracking you as you cross the room. You walk, cherry popsicle in hand, as they scream at you. It begins with just one, then the rest quickly follow. They look at you, and look back, and look at you again. Over and over, with such short attention span.

You think to make it go away you will play some music, a distraction of sorts. Perhaps a little ABBA, or whatever else happens to be in the tape deck. They, in turn, just get louder. So perhaps they like swedish music. How were you supposed to know such things. You cross into another room, believing that silence must win out soon enough. As you sit, you turn your head to see two more staring. Staring you down, wondering what you are doing here. When you decided to show up, and how long you will stay. They too begin to scream to no avail. 

They begin to jump around, singing a chorus that sounds something like "go a-way", all four joining in, maybe five, you aren't really sure. But you know that can't be possible. They can't understand such things. Or can they? They judge you, as though you are stuck in a cage. They are jealous of you, because you can get outside, enjoy the warmth of the sun. You can spread your wings, take a walk, getaway, and so they yell at you wondering why you aren't doing just that.

You in turn question them in the same light. Why are they there? Of course they had no choice in the matter, they were plucked from their mother's side, which has become a curse in some circles, this one in particular. Yeah they are cute and all, but unless you are deaf, they are one of the more annoying things you have quite possibly ever been around. But alas, you sigh and feel sorry for them. They scream because they have no way out. We've done this to them, time and time again.

And so...moving upstairs, you hope that soon it will be "bedtime for bonzo", and contemplate their escape. 

Just a girl, trying to kill two (or five) angry birds, with one stone.

White Noise

Dear __________.

Did you ever have a day where you feel as though the follow through is a little off? Like the right steps aren't being taken to get to where people want to be. As though they can't see what is right in front of them, or what could lie right in front of them, if indeed they only went for it. 

Maybe it's just me. I see this constantly in the eyes of a friend of mine, who just keeps making the same mistakes over and over but never once stops to think that maybe if she tried a different route, she would arrive at a better outcome. Sometimes it seems so easy as an outsider looking in. But people need to make mistakes their way before they feel as though something different and perhaps better can be done.

I realize this clearly, __________. Many times over, when living in New York in my early twenties I would do things that looking back on them I say to myself, "what was i thinking?", but in that same moment I do believe that these are thing decisions that made me become the person I am. I learned quickly from my choices, not always an easy lesson, but one learned, nonetheless.

In your case I think you are learning but I do not think you are taking positive action. You are not living life to it's fullest, and you have no idea what that could even feel like. So I encourage you to fall out of routines, make some strong adult decisions, and become the person that you have always wanted, but were too scared to go forth and do. It is easier for anyone to wallow in their own misery then to go do, potentially fail, and try again. With these kind words, you will avoid a life of what ifs, but rather I do believe have more moments of fulfillment, as opposed to instant gratification.

Thank you for listening, ________. While it all might seem a little confusing now, someday soon I think it will hit you, and when it does, I will be there.

All my,

Just a girl, wondering why you do what you do, when there are clearly better things to be worrying about, and steps to take towards a happy future. 

Hammering Noise

Well I suppose I've probably hit my limit. My limit of what you might ask? Well perhaps you can figure that out, or perhaps you can't. Either way, I got your mid working just a little bit more today than it would have been otherwise, so I feel as though I've succeeded, for the moment anyhow. 

Trying to break through and hear my own thoughts although they just don't seem to be quite loud enough to make it over this noise. This white noise. Maybe it's black noise. Who really knows. Either way there is something to it that I am not quite understanding or ready to overcome, the limitless of the limits is still happening. As though I am stuck in an eternal math equation that I can't quite figure out the formula and for that matter the solution. The door goes up, the door goes down and yet no one has entered. No one new has been here. For all the time and the moments just sitting in this box I wonder, maybe it's too late. Too late for what I once did, and am bound for new ideas and such. Regardless, the foot steps don't stop, no matter how much brown paper and plastic is put to the test on the hard wood floors. They go up they go down, and the riddle, well I do believe it grows.

So we sit here. Waiting. I was taught not to wait many moons ago, but in this moment, waiting is the only thing I have left to do. Maybe I will make my self useful, offer my assistance, but I don't even think they know I am here, and if they did, well what a shock that would be. With their talking of birds and stoner clubs and other such nonsense that I can't make sense of in my head with the constant beat being drummed on to the bedroom walls. Like a metronome, it's steady for the first 35 seconds and then, well then it subsides.

Listen to what the Advil bottle tells you, <110 lbs...1 tablet every 4-6 hours as needed; not to exceed 4 tablets in a 24 hour period. I just wanted the pain in my mouth to subside.

Just a girl, trying to...

Meat Loaf

Green things. Green things were the absolute worst. That included: parsley, oregano, basil, and leaves on broccoli. I didn't eat seafood. Or chunky tomato sauce, or tomatoes in general. I couldn't eat ice cream or heavy dairy since I was lactose intolerant. Meat loaf was unspeakable. Hot dogs were gross. And pizza just didn't do it for me. To put it mildly, as a kid, I was a picky eater. 

Even though times were sometimes tough for my family, my dad would splurge and get me Burger King during my year in Brownies on a Tuesday night. I know I know, now that would be considered some kind of child endangerment due to obesity rates, but at the time, and for me, it was the best thing he could do since I was so picky, and a rather thin child. 

I can remember going to Pennsylvania for the first year "alone" since all my sister's were too grown up for such a trip and it ended up being my parents, my aunts, and me. We went to what I considered a "fancy" restaurant. Looking back, it was really just your average, not too nice, but not chain, Italian restaurant...I hated it. Way out of my league as far as my food tastes went, and I can clearly remember saying, "i'm a cheap date, i don't do fancy, just give me a cheeseburger and i'll be happy." Who knew I would ever grow out of that motto...

I don't think anyone in my family would have ever voted me "Most Likely to be an Adventurous Eater" as an adult. But somewhere along the way...well, it just happened. Probably around the time I was a senior in high school and shrimp was slowly introduced into my diet. From there it went to tofu, then thai food, onto clams and mussels, cooking for myself with chunky tomatoes, to Indian food, and then my very favorite, Ethiopian cuisine. 

Now, while I don't eat a whole lot of meat, my diet is rather diverse. I think of that scrawny little twelve year-old eating cereal at lunch, never once expecting to grow up to having a once a week craving for Ethiopian.

So I encourage you to do the same. Stretch your legs and see what's out there...I promise you won't be disappointed. And while I don't do this very often, at the bottom of this post you can find three of my very favorite Ethiopian restaurants, two on the east coast, one in Los Angeles, that in my opinion, are the best of the best, if you happen to be in the neighborhood.

Just a girl, with an endless appreciation for food, wondering how we get today's kids to be a little more adventurous, as well as some adults out there, and well, now being very hungry after writing this post.

Awash Restaurant
5990 1/2 Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035

Meskel 
199 East 3rd St., New York, NY 10184

Lalibela
176 Temple St. , New Haven, CT 06510

Florence and the Machine

Once upon a time, I had the best job in the world. Minus the drama of the break room, the less than satisfactory pay, and the not enough hours, it was indeed, with no sarcasm intended...the best job ever. If I could go back to it, I would in a heart beat. Sadly it is on the other side of the country, one I left behind along with my TV, bed, kitchen table, and everything else that wouldn't fit into my rented SUV.

In short, I "lifted the veil of secrecy on some of Hollywood's hottest locations". No joke. I was...a tour guide. And I absolutely loved it. After three weeks of training, a bible of a script to memorize and or learn, as well as a tram test at the end, it may have been the most work I put into landing a job. I was a delicate balance of facts and cute. I don't play funny well, so my tour was never one of constant jokes. But with a few quirky quips here or there, and high energy, I'd like to think that my tour was unique to me and lovable for just that reason.

Working at Universal Studios Hollywood, I looked forward to going in every time I landed a shift. Just me, 174 strangers, leaving behind tram dispatch, as well as the part of myself that went home to that lonely Valley Village apartment, for what was likely to be an adventure on most days. Worming our way through the front and back lot of the tour, with attractions throughout...no script in front of me, just some video clips to rely on, it was my time. There was no time to dwell on the what ifs of my personal life, the cranky tour guide I left behind on the couches in the break room, or whether or not I could stand another moment of the LA nonsense. 

It was the one job that I got to just be, doing what I loved. While it wasn't the "Josslyn DeCrosta Comedy Hour", as many of the other tour guides were good at, it was just me being me. I aimed to please, but I was also such a dork about it. I'm sure half of my jokes were only funny to me, filled with sarcasm as well as love for what I was talking about. Each tour became how many people could I make smile, or even chuckle, just a little.

The job was a special one. One that I felt not only that I was good at but also that I had this bit of time with these strangers on each tour to make their time in the park just a little bit brighter, even though I was having, on some days, such a tough time. It's something they did not need to know, and or I am sure they never once sensed as I put on my microphone and my smile, hands up in the air yelling a big "how's everybody doing today?" and looking for the type of response I wish I was feeling inside. Most days I went home, and felt just a little less lonely from my strangers on the tram.

Just a girl, longing for that job in the California sun, to make people smile once more by just being...well..herself, in one of the most fun jobs...ever.

Simon & Garfunkel

It was a little house, with a white picket fence. One bedroom downstairs, two bedrooms upstairs, a living room, basement, kitchen, one bathroom, 6 people, 1 dog, 90 rabbits, and some chickens. Apple trees, pumpkin patch, vegetable garden, flowers, and all kinds of other things that I am positive if you ask my sisters or even my parents how they remember this house, it will be different from the way I just described it.

In all actuality, it was the house that I grew up in. And while my sisters grew up there as well, this would be the only house, besides the one my parents are currently in, that I, in particular, was to live at. It would be the house that I would draw my boxes for hopscotch on the driveway; the one that I would fall going up the stairs and hit my chin so hard that I still have a scar; as well as the place that I was to practice on my snare drum in the basement for my first year in band. In some sense, for me, I'm pretty sure this place was magic, and in other senses, for everyone else, it may have been the place where dolls would begin to dance under tables.

The best thing about this house was the secret hole in the floor. As you climbed the stairs and reached the top you would be directly in front of a large closet, there was not much of a hallway other than this little area with two bedrooms on either side. But in this very floor, this very wooden floor in front of the large closet there was a small square piece of wood that could be lifted if you stuck just the right utensil inside of it. What was in the floor you may wonder? Oh my, a dream for any young child. I can't even name some of the goodies!

There were dishes to what looked like a dollhouse set inside. I can still remember them, they were blue with white specs on them. Many dust bunnies also hid inside, next to a few Lego men. As well as other kitchen wares for a dollhouse. As well as a couple of Duracell batteries. 

I don't know who lived there before us, or how these things got there. But the treasures you could find underneath this old piece of ply wood were practically endless. I don't really remember removing many of the items under the wood for fear of someone finding out. I can remember a screw in there that stuck out just the right way inside that our little hands had to be careful not to brush by it too hard.

This treasure in the floor was like my secret door. Whenever I got a chance, I would go up there, sometimes with a flashlight to see what i could find. Sometimes even laying on the floor at various angles to get a better look of what lie beneath. 

Just a girl, wishing so badly to go back to her little house with the white picket fence and the maroon shutters, back to her secret hole in the floor, when life was a little simpler and things were a little easier, for her at least. 

Con Funk Shun

It was the ground breaking ceremony of what was to be the new high school in the place I grew up. I was only in sixth grade, but they had picked a sixth grader from each elementary school in the town to be part of this ceremony since the children in that grade would be the first class to attend all four years at that new school. After the ceremony we had a fabulous lunch at a local banquet hall. Later that afternoon I would return to school, only to be very stomach sick and have to go home early.

Incidences like this often occurred throughout my childhood. For example, every year upon visiting my aunts on family vacation in Pennsylvania we would visit Hershey's Chocolate World. As a kid I would get the same treat after the tour year after year, vanilla ice cream with mini kisses, chocolate syrup and a cherry. Around the time I was ten, I began getting sick year after year on my favorite once a year dessert.

As I got slightly older, early teens, my stomach troubles grew increasingly worse. I wouldn't eat lunch at school, or I would only eat on a "good stomach day". Going out with friends, I would limit myself to my safe foods, or none at all. These methods grew largely due to not wanting to feel sick when I was out, or later in life ruining dates, or opening nights, or vacations or even New Year's Eve plans one year.

Even in my late twenties, I still have my secret little methods. Be it sneaking different stomach pills before a meal, or not eating at all until dinner on days that I am going to be out and about and potentially not near a bathroom. It's the worst feeling in the world, and at virtually any moment, my tummy troubles will increase.  

So many of us out there live with bad stomachs. And if you are like me, going to the stomach doctor, a lot of time just doesn't give you too many answers. They blame your problems mostly on stress, and while that might be the case some of the time, some times this is just the kind of thing we live with day to day. Stress or not. Good times or bad. Sickness and health. It just is. And it sucks.

I've learned to eat the foods I love, regardless, because most of the time whether I eat them or not, the outcome will be the same. Living with IBS, in some ways, has limited certain activities in my life, or I am just more cautious. It is one of the worst things to live with, I feel, because it deals with a topic most of us aren't comfortable talking about and let's be honest, I'm still not. Other than my mom, and boyfriend who deals with it quite well, I don't really want to have this conversation with anyone. Of why I run to the bathroom; or how I could eat something one day and the same exact thing the next and not be okay. But again, we learn to live with it because we have no other choice...and "it's just stress".

So if you are out there, and you, like me, don't leave the house without the Tums, Immodium, Pepcid, Greenies, and every other pill out there, know you aren't alone. And it sucks. And it has altered my life too. Also know, you have strength beyond compare in some sense and hopefully soon, someone will further understand IBS.

Just a girl, finding her happy balance, with Tums on hand, but sometimes needing to stay away from her favorite thing in the world...food. A self-proclaimed foodie, with stomach issues, does not a good match make. 

Lily Allen

You say you are over it. Well all you guys do really. That it's no big deal, that you guys broke up long ago, that you are just friends now, or not, but "nothing to be concerned about baby, i'm yours." All of you say this to calm us down from the fear that you still hold a candle somewhere for your ex. You talk us down when she calls, you even talk us down when she doesn't and we think that she will. But how much of this relies on the fact that we constantly still see her in your pictures and friends pictures of the two of you looking so happy on social networking sites. 

I imagine it was easier before the world became so technologically savvy. Relationships had a bit more solid footing to stand on. It goes back to my post, "Mumford & Sons", in part, I was erased so that the new girl wouldn't feel uncomfortable by my presence. But these days facebook does this thing where you can see friends pictures while you are looking at other albums on the site. More often than not I glance over and see my current boy cuddling up with his ex. Is this really fair for my healthy state of mind, suddenly being crashed from the memories that came before me? Before I ever existed?

You can't go around saying to people "hey, my girlfriend is crazy, take those pictures down!". Let me tell you, I know jealousy. And in the recent year, I have rather controlled and or grown up from having such intense feelings of it. BUT, how can I control such things when the ex just keeps showing up when I'm not even looking! Damn you social networking for making us so linked in that you ruin our relationships! You put ideas in our head! You cause us to be uncomfortable and squirm not knowing what we are going to see, and how it will make us feel and knowing we have the best boy in the world but it's just human nature to feel that twinge of jealousy and wonder each time an old pic of the old star couple pops up! 

Breathe.

Facebook should have a law about such things. Like you can only keep relevant pictures up of the last, let's say 16 months up. No? Irrational? Okay, you win.

If the past is just the past, do we need social networking sites to constantly be reminding us of it?

Just a girl, on a mission to eventually disconnect herself from the world of social networking, to focus on her and her man, and not have the past interfere with her present.