The Who

The clock ticks away as the insomnia sets in. I toss. Turn. Toss again. Close my eyes, only to to open them up and peer into the blackness that encompasses my room. My mind races, wondering why this constant bout of sleeplessness happens over and over. I feel the sweet little lump next to my belly that warms me, my little dog Banksy. Cleo on top of my legs. And all is peaceful in the world.

Well yes, while all might be peaceful in the world, inside this head of mine a busy New York street scene is unfolding. Complete with business men hailing cabs; fighting couples, and even the buzzing from the neon sign of a local diner. It plays out over and over, each time I toss a new character jumps into the scene. With each turn, a loud exit happens. I try to pay no attention and concentrate harder, but it's never that easy. The harder I concentrate, the more happening. Who knew a new Broadway play just opened up? Oh wait, it actually didn't, again it's my thoughts, feelings, imagination running wild.

My sleep, when it does happen, is strange. The most vivid dreams take place. All kinds of things. I could be in the lightest of sleep, and the visions that dance around are unlike anything else. Many can't remember their dreams, while I have the curse of constantly waking up and remember some part. Maybe this is why the sleep has trouble happening sometimes. Perhaps I don't want to get to the part where I dream. And perhaps that's why the constant other scenarios happen in my head. I take deep breaths hoping to fall back to what some would call a peaceful sleep, and every now and again it happens. Just every now and again though.

Just a girl, with a strange sleep cycle, wanting a quiet night, be it asleep or awake.

Ra Ra Riot

It came by way of a mixed tape. Love by mixed tape so to speak. Granted it wasn't even a mixed tape, it was a mix, sent through email, by something called send space.  We've come a long way from the days of waiting to press record as our favorite song came on the radio.

I had asked for "new music" months before. Many months later, he in turn, did finally reciprocate with the new music I had requested during my blue months in Los Angeles. Blue probably wouldn't even be the proper color, but rather a very dark navy. A color that would last through the end of 2009, and into the beginning of 2010, all the way to mid-March, when my music was finally received, downloaded, and labeled it's proper title, "Whiskey Sunset". This sunset called whiskey would be one to change my life as I knew it, for the moment and beyond, never to be the same again.

His name was George, and I am convinced he was my angel. Well the angel that would send the boy I was waiting for. Dating. Dating never seemed to end the way I had read in books when I was younger, I was waiting for my fairy tale and it wasn't until I stopped waiting that the "once upon a time" began.  And so it happened with a mix on repeat, and many conversations to follow.

It began as old friends catching up, talking music, and life, and the life they both lived in separate cities for the years prior (sometimes even in the same city, never to meet up or talk really). Soon it turned into all day chats while both were at work, onto telephone calls, and texts, hypothetical dates, and finally a meeting and reuniting one day in mid-April.

Two friends. Knowing each other for what felt like a lifetime. Even failing the same math class twice together almost 9 years earlier. Reconnecting made us wonder how we were never in each others lives very much prior, but we also understand that there was an angel out there, our George, who believed everything happens for a reason. He hinted that we had to live our other lives out before we could find each other, to become the people we were destined to be, finding happiness (finally) within ourselves before such a reconnection was to happen. And then it did. And everything changed, just like it did for the princess in the fairy tale.

Oh, did I mention it was by far the most perfect mix I've ever received? Maybe that helped a little...

Just a girl, a hinted at princess now that she has found her prince, and kissed a lot of frogs to get there, and she couldn't imagine life any other way. Thanks George. 

The Strokes

I know, I know. In part you are thinking I've forgotten about you. And in all honesty, in part, I have. I don't mean to, really. You know, the old trick, the second we step on a plane: out of sight out of mind. But I can promise, that was not the case one little bit. I thought of you and I thought, and I even visited you once. Have I lost your attention completely? I truly hope that is not the case, because I didn't mean for it to happen this way.

Last week I wrote to you, let my voice be heard. But this week, well this week, life has just gotten in the way. I kid you not. Who knew unemployment could make you into one hot mess of activities. Wait. What did she just say? Does that even...? Nah. Never mind. 

To take a plane back to the place you grew up from the place you formerly lived may just be the thing that tries to kill someone and bring them down. But not me. I walk off, tired, exhausted really, still full of tacos, ready to make some moves. And moves I did make. It's looking up from here, it really is. Like you, my fair-weathered reader couldn't imagine. I know what you are thinking, "if i am a fair weathered reader, then she in turn is a fair weather writer." Okay, fine, you win. But I promise to change that, once the crazy dies down.

Just a girl, with a busy week still in progress, trying to find the "me" time, while thinking of you.

Kings of Convenience

It's much different than I thought it would be. Seven months later, to go back to that place that I left what now feels like a lifetime ago. Although the second I arrive, and step off the plane, and start my drive down the 405, it's like nothing has changed. That's until I see all of them. And they are just as different as one might have imagined. Like they grew up, and yet we talk and laugh and I fall back into the rhythm that I know was once there, but I can't quite bring myself to want to remember. 

Driving once again, my car winding it's way around the streets I used to know. It's quiet, I drive alone, a feeling all too familiar to this place. But in the same thought I think, "this is nice".  Windows rolled down, the sun warming the left side of my face, my other home. I breathe in the familiarity, it comforts me, and I smile at my history's past. I did this. I lived here. Maybe not well a lot of the time, but it is still part of me. A stop on my journey to become who I am today, who I will turn into tomorrow, and who I am to become  in the future.

Soon I'll leave. Again. It's what I did. I left and came back and left again. Last time for seven months, who knows how long until I return again, but I will. I always do.The memories just the same I am sure will come flooding back, no matter how hard I try to keep them at bay. I can see you sitting in the seat next to me. I can see us going for dinner. I can see him hauling a couch up the stairs. And them packing my car. And the little ones yipping and pawing at my heels as I enter my apartment. The memories overwhelm me. There are so many, I practically don't know what to do with all of them. I hope to keep them filed away for the day I want to get back in touch with every single one. But for now, I'll take what I can get, and keep some memories for a rainy day. Although not a rainy LA day, because that doesn't happen all that often.

Another taco, or a Silver Lake cafe, or a Valley Village street, or the traffic, or maybe even the corner that I used to get really tired going around as I made my way home from running. Or my laundromat, we can't forget that. Luckily these places haven't changed. They hold my memories tightly for me, and I love this place for that. 

Just a girl, wandering her old streets, seeing old friends, and remembering that it wasn't all so bad, once she got out of her own way.

Footloose

Spontaneity. 

In recent years, I have been somewhat of a spontaneous person. Moving to New York and subsequently Los Angeles were relatively out of the blue decisions on my part. Something that I didn't decide over years or even months, or career changes, but rather just getting up, doing it and making it happen. Not easy decisions once I was moved and settled in, but I wasn't thinking of that as I was signing leases, crossing the country, or what have you.

While I don't always like to live by the rule of "last minute, impulse decisions", I feel as though every now and again, it is a good way to be. Whether on your own, or in relationships. For instance, I am a strong believer that couples, be it new, married, engaged, etc., need to get out of town at least once every 5 weeks. I think this helps to keep you looking forward to something as a couple, as well as gets you out of your normal routine. 

For me personally, impulse decisions like let's say a last minute trip to Los Angeles, don't happen extremely often, but every now and again must happen in order to get us over a hump so to speak. I guarantee that to get away will take your mind off the current and things usually happen upon returning that wouldn't have otherwise taken place. For example, it seems like every time I had ever gone out of town when living in LA, that was the time that I would get the most auditions, usually returning to a few still lingering and my general demeanor being slightly more upbeat upon walking back into the grind.

I also live by the general rule of thumb which is, you only live once. If there is a way to make a trip happen on the cheap, and it's not going to kill your bank account anymore than it already it, then why not do it? You only get one chance to do these things, so now is the time, take advantage of it and make it happen. Once you begin a career or have children, or an extremely high mortgage, or whatever it will be that may tie you down, you may not get another chance to just live. While you can. No holds barred. 

Just a girl, needing to use airline credit before it expires, and getting a plane ticket to LA for only $107, to make her way towards a weekend with friends and tacos, for a some downtime, before the real work begins.