It was the best of times and the worst. Well, no, that is a little dramatic. Definitely not the worst by any means. But still, something about it leaves me a little...off, for lack of a better defining word.
In mere days, just a short 38 hours from now, on the 28th, I will turn, 28. I shall wake up, go to work, go to the eye doctor, and head to my parent's house for a birthday dinner. A birthday dinner that I have not been home for in 2 years and even then, it was my niece's christening so I don't believe that "birthday dinner" really counted since there wasn't a birthday dinner that I could remember happening on that day.
Totally getting off subject.
I've never really had a birthday party. Well, once when I was 17 I had quite the successful party, but that was the one and only. Now last year, I spent my birthday eating cake, scratching off my annual scratch off card on a video chat with a boy 3,000 miles away. This year he wanted to do something better. This sweet sweet boy tried his hardest to give me something way better than that loneliness.
And so, approximately 2 months before my birthday he planned me a surprise party. A surprise party, that clearly the surprise was on me, when he woke up to let me know on Saturday morning that, sadly, no one could go, best friends didn't respond, and it was just "a bad weekend".
A bad weekend? Don't they know it's my birthday weekend? Which then lead me to my next thoughts...is it just me, or am I just not a good friend? Just not the type of friend you want to cancel plans for and be there for her party? Or make an appearance? Or make sure to let the party planner know that this is great...but...
Perhaps it's my sarcasm. Or my honest sense of humor. Or maybe sometimes I'm too honest. Or maybe it's that I'm not always the most social gal, so they figure why bother. In any case, it truly made me assess my friend base and I felt, well, for a lack of a better word, bad about it. Bad that it didn't happen, that I couldn't be surprised. That I, potentially, have no friends? Could it be, out of the once 900 facebook friends I once had, none of them were "good friends" so to speak? How is it? I mean, come on, I was president of my high school class for crying out loud? (She says with an ironic smirk).
Now don't think I am trying to make you feel bad, or pity me. It's just an honest question about life and how it works and maybe my shy home-body sarcastic nature has done me in. But please don't feel bad, because that is not the point of this. The point is the assessment of life and where it goes and how we get here be it train, plane, automobile, with a hand to hold in the seat next to you, or not.
Just a girl. Wondering, in life, who are your good friends? And who are the ones that just don't show up for the party...and perhaps, never will.
Most of the time it is great when i am like yes! I can relate to this post. However it makes me sad that the same thing happened to me and it does make you look at things and evaluate and you just realize the people who are around, that do try, that are there and who do take that extra step are that much more important and it makes you happier to know them and to realize they are in your life. I didnt get to know you everly well when i had the chance but i do know You are a wondeful person. Don't forget that.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous.
ReplyDeletethank you.