I just noticed that I've lost it. I've lost the magic. It's been stifled. Or killed. Or gone on holiday or something. It's just gone. And the fact that I am just noticing it does not make for the fact that because I am noticing it it is still there but rather it reminds me how long it's been gone for.
It's that thing. That thing that happens when I watch movies or television shows. I can remember the last time it happened, and if that's the case, it's even worse that the last time it happened was two months ago now. Two months. Two months ago for the magic inside. The magic that always said, "i could have played that part". Or "if i had just stuck with it a little longer, i would have broken through too".
It is a sad thing when you realize that part of you is practically dead. Perhaps it's dead because I won't allow it to live and breathe. I killed it. On purpose. Because I know things can't be that way. Not right now, and let's be honest, probably not ever. I can't go back to that life. Stringing together paychecks, working seven days a week with different jobs to make it work. It's not a life. But if that's not, what is this I'm living currently. This thing. Called. Work. And just work. Not work to help your dreams come to fruition. Work that you count down days until your next vacation or day off. This thing that people, the common person does every single day. But me. I'm anything but common, so how do I squeeze myself into this mould daily? Duh. Acting. Obviously.
I miss it. I don't let dreams die easily, but I guess dreams can't speak up for themselves when they don't die but are rather killed off.
"i could have played that part."
"that could be me."
"i just need the right agent."
"i know i have it, i can just feel it. it will work out for me."
"i've already been in like 4 movies, i am no longer aspiring, i'm doing it!"
"i didn't burn all those bridges behind me to not create new ones in front."
"i could have played that part."
Just a girl, playing a new part, a role so to speak, so much so, she can hardly remember her last one, Josslyn DeCrosta, Actress.
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